Trying to take a breath

It's been a while since I've written. I had a huge amount of drama with Red Flag Guy back in March/April, and we ended up back together at the end of it. During the time we were apart, I briefly dated someone from The Salsa Room whom I called Kissing Guy. I came clean about that to RFG, and he shared how he felt betrayed and hurt. Apparently,  he didn't think we had broken up.

In any case, I broke up with Kissing Guy (over the phone, little drama), and at RFG'S request I had an STD panel. It all came back negative,  which was good. RFG was still feeling hurt, but it seemed we were putting all of the terrible drama behind us.

To be clear, I went back to RFG because he seemed more committed and he made it clear that he cares about me. He actually seemed to have made a lifestyle shift, with less partying and more time at the gym. He was still somewhat secretive, though, and he hasn't expressed a desire to meet my kids in the immediate future. But, anyway, I love him and we have a lot of compatibilities.

As for the time with Kissing Guy, I mainly think, "Yuck."  I did the right thing in talking with RFG about how I was struggling,  but I shouldn't have run right to someone else. And to have had unprotected sex...head smack...what a dumb dumb move!

But, look, regarding my choice to date KG, we all make mistakes.  And I may not have been able to gather up the courage to confront RFG otherwise.

So, what's the drama now, you may ask? Well, after having had various symptoms,  it was determined that I have ureaplasma bacteria. It's not really considered an STD, but it's brought all of the shit from last April crashing down on me again. RFG is sure I caught it from Kissing Guy, and he's asking me questions such as whether I've been "loyal."

His mistrust hurts and angers me. I know I hurt him, but I did think we were broken up at the time. I apologized to him numerous times. Argh....His mistrust also makes me wonder about his activities.  But most of all, I'm pissed. I mean, WTF?  I feel like he should be supporting me in all of this. I understand that he's upset, but, hello! Here I am with you, saying I love you, not going anywhere. And this whole thing hasn't been fun for me either.

So, although I'm supposedly relaxing at the beach with my kids, I'm going to call my ob/gym tomorrow to set up an appointment and possibly talk to her. I have a lot of questions. 

And really, I'm concerned about RFG. Can I trust him to take antibiotics and get tested? I'm not sure. He's a documented slippery character.  I'll have to gather more information and take it day to day.

But, damn, I'm pissed off. Enough of this bs. That's why I'm trying to take calming breaths. Over and out.