Why I Write

Halloween week seems as good a time as any to start this blog. I'm up and blogging because I have some faith that I can produce something interesting, or at least something of interest to some people. My life as it is now -- and perhaps as it may be in the future, if I make some changes that have long been in the works -- is chock-a-block full with details, decisions, and responsibilities that I somehow manage to keep juggling. In fact, I'm afraid that if I stop things may come crashing down, so onward I go.

I'm a classic case of a Woman Who Does Too Much, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. It's good because I have so much to do, so I'm glad that I seem to be able to do it. But it's also troublesome, because I may be doing all of these things to block out the reality of being alone. If I put everything down for a minute and just listen, what will I hear? Will my fears and anxieties come rushing in? Fears of sickness, of sadness, of foolishness and uncertainty. All of the beasts of misfortune described in Babar the King -- Misfortune, Anger, Indolence, Stupidity, Ignorance, Cowardice, Laziness, and Fear -- coming to visit and perhaps stay.

I need to have faith that I can work through this dread, and writing is one way to do it. There's something magical and transformative about it. One thing I recall from my "Religion and Culture of Islam" class in college is God's first words to Muhammad through the Angel Gabriel -- "Read". As if words, written or spoken, contained some kind of intangible power to change lives and beliefs. So, that's what I feel like I'm doing -- on a much smaller scale and in a nonreligious fashion, of course. Writing to keep the fears away, but also writing to articulate them and work through them. It somehow transforms the defensive crouch of my emotions into a clearer and more positive stance. And if writing can't put my fears to rest, at least I can use it to draw upon positive elements and blessings in my life.

And those positive elements are too many to list now, as at this very moment I'm juggling late night pre-Halloween baking, an annoyed husband, the need for sleep, and a disorganized house. I'll just list Babar the King's graceful winged elephants of hope instead -- Goodness, Intelligence, Love, Happiness, Hope, Patience, Work, Learning, Joy, Patience, Perseverance, and Courage.

On this 80th anniversary of Black Thursday, may everyone at least feel some freedom from fear.

Eve