I know I missed out on yesterday's posting, but we had a giant storm and lost our electricity. That's my excuse. I was sitting in the living room, playing Monopoly with Philip while Sofia and Angelina ran rings around us. I'm usually unexceptional at Monopoly, but this time I had a green property monopoly, the dark purple ones right after Go, both utilities, and all 4 railroads. I had 1 house on each of the green ones and 4 on the purple Baltics. I kept thinking about how this game was invented in Atlantic City during the Depression, and how I wished I could amass property like this right now. I was also remembering -- amazingly enough, given how long ago it was -- a book I read when I was a kid about how to win at Monopoly. Apparently you could take a prince or a pauper strategy, although I don't remember what they are right now. Also, the book calculated the likelihood of landing on each of the properties, and -- surprisingly -- it's not random.
I was in the midst of cleaning Philip out of house and home, when the wind started to blow wildly. We not-so-intelligently crowded to the window, while we watched trees sway and a giant branch come down in our neighbor's yard. Then the rain came down, literally in sheets. Soon after that, the electricity shut off, and the house began to heat up. Pretty crazy... Bojan ran out to move the Hyundai, because it was situated under the weak tree that we've begged the County to get rid of. We call it the Moon Tree, because Philip used to see the moon behind it when he was younger than Angelina is now. Luckily, the Moon Tree sustained little damage. (Which is less than I can say for my parents, who had one of their trees go crashing through their neighbor's roof, rendering the place uninhabitable.) Once it was clear that the electricity would be out for a while, the kids starting asking for hot chocolate and talking about how they wanted to cuddle up with blankets. I guess they were remembering Snowmageddon, when we last lost electricity and it hit 42 degrees F in our house overnight.
After a couple of hours of sweating in a steamy house, we headed out for dinner in Downtown Silver Spring. It was great to get out, and we managed to snag an outside table at Austin Grill. We ended up sitting between two sets of neighbors -- one of whom we knew, and the other whom we hadn't met before. Service was awful, but luckily the kids were able to run around by the sprayground. By the time we got home, our power had returned, thank God and PEPCO.
Anyway, with all of that, I just didn't have time to post yesterday. And then today, when I went to drop Angelina off at Miss Wiwin's, I noticed that her giant red minivan was no longer there. It turned out that their power had never come back on, so Miss Winwin had taken her family to her sister's place. And Northwood Camp was closed for the same reason, so I designated it a girls' day out. We went to Brookside Gardens, which was also closed due to power outages. Luckily, the gardens themselves were open, so we saw lots of flowers and butterflies (pictures to follow). We're home now, with Sofia playing a computer game (bad mom!) and Angelina blessedly taking a nap. So, now is the time to say what I'm grateful for today:
1. Electricity, and PEPCO's ability to restore it in our neighborhood
2. That I have an understanding workplace that lets me take these unexpected and unavoidable days off
3. Library books, especially the fun one I'm reading now
4. Upgrading to a free Blackberry
5. The beauty of Brookside Gardens -- really nature on a leash!
6. (Should be #1): Spending fun times with Angelina and Sofia (to be extended to include Philip, when we pick him up later today.
Okay, time to try to sneak some work in while the girls are occupied and the electricity is still on. Cheers!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Hot hot hot
It hit 101 or 102 today, breaking all kinds of records. Since I grew up here, I kind of like the heat and humidity. When you first step outside, it's like having a comforting blanket settling around you. It makes me recall walking to the pool when I was a kid and buying chocolate eclair or toasted almond ice cream bars. Still, 102 is a little much, and it made the most sense to stay inside. Nobody accused me of having a lot of sense, however, so while my husband took Philip on an errand to his work, I packed up Angelina and Sofia and we went trawling for yard sales and thrift shop goods. It was a lot of fun, despite the heat. Angelina and Sofia each got a pretty hair band at a yard sale, and Sofia and I are still fighting over who's going to end up with a great Wonder Woman notebook that only cost a dollar. Then we went to Unique Thrift Shop and I watched the girls having fun playing dress-up with fancy hats and yucky wigs. Sofia is a natural at this, and I'm definitely going to encourage her to take up drama someday (and she's always been quite the drama queen). I met a nice older woman who encouraged me to buy a couple of dresses, including one Maggie London dress for only $9.99 http://www.maggylondon.com/#collections/maggy .
I love Unique, because everything is so affordable, and it's like going on a treasure hunt. You may end up with something amazing, like a pair of $200 shoes (score!!!), but then there's a ton of tacky stuff. And of course there are guys hanging around there who could either be the typical undocumented construction worker types or else gang members. The construction workers are the ones looking at cheap jeans and boots, while the gang members have tattooes. Actually, I haven't really seen too many gang member types, but I'm always ready to assume the worst. And the police are there a lot, which makes me think there may be a potential for crime. And then there's a big Korean supermarket nearby, as well as one of those greasy-looking taqueria trucks that I haven't gotten up the courage to try yet. And on federal holidays everything is 50 percent off, which makes the whole place a zoo. It's a lot of fun, and I think Sofia has already absorbed the spirit of thrift store shopping.
Afterwards, we had a cheap-ish lunch at Duncan Donuts, where Sofia and Angelina danced in their chairs to "Isn't She Lovely," the song that Sofia's dance class performed to at their recital. Then Sofia turned up her nose at the bathroom there, so we went on to my favorite Asian Store, Han An Rheum, or H-Mart for short. H-Mart is in the same type of area, where you really see people from all over the world and you read about shootings in the nearby apartment complex. Okay, maybe not that often, but from time to time. Also, my former daycare provider had her groceries stolen there. At the same time, you see wealthy Asian-looking people pulling up in Mercedes and other expensive cars, because the food is so diverse and fresh. Each time I see things that I never knew existed. Last time I saw a Chinese or Korean-looking man putting some bitter melon in a bag. It was on sale, and he had a t-shirt with a slogan that referred to genetics, so I felt comfortable asking him how he cooked the melon. (I suppose I felt comfortable because it meant he spoke English, was educated, and possibly worked in the same field as my father.) He told me that he basically stir fried it, so I bought some and tried it later that week. It was...bitter. I don't think I'd buy it again, but it's always nice to try new things. Today I saw some dragon fruit, which until now I had only heard of as one ingredient in vitamin water. It looked so crazy...I can't really describe it, but here's a link -- http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://img.alibaba.com/photo/104906322/Vietnam_Dragon_Fruit.jpg&imgrefurl=http://makeupgeek.com/forum/viewtopic.php%3Ff%3D6%26t%3D19952%26p%3D174491&h=302&w=350&sz=53&tbnid=Dj6r19r9CFt2TM:&tbnh=104&tbnw=120&prev=/images%3Fq%3Ddragon%2Bfruit&usg=__0Ft7WVqbMKF9Zi9oDpOaOZPR1Sc=&sa=X&ei=5q9LTIr0JcKC8gbW3bDyCA&ved=0CDQQ9QEwAw. And each time we pass the sugar cane, Sofia makes a reference to our book about the Day of the Dead. The other good thing about the Asian store -- aside from the fresh, cheap produce, meat and fish, and the 80s music soundtrack -- is the fact that they're always giving away free samples. Today we tried bottled green tea, Japanese bean cakes, and mango aloe drink. The latter was a bit odd, but I was compelled to purchase the delicious bean cakes. I love Japanese food, and I should really make the effort to cook it more.
Later today, I had another cultural experience. Philip has been going to a French language and culture camp for the past week. It's at a place I could never afford, but my parents offered to subsidize him because my mom was excited that he was interested in learning French. It's at Sidwell Friends, so I had visions of running into one of the Obamas there (but alas, they're away in Maine). Anyway, it's been a great experience so far, and it pisses me off a bit because why can't they have such a great experience at public school? He's been eating French cheese, drinking Orangina, and building models of Notre Dame. Also, they've been learning about Senegal and Mali. On Friday, they had a Senagalese drummer come in to teach them how to drum. He brought all sorts of drums for the entire class, and they counted in French. Tonight, Philip gave Sofia and me a drumming lesson. It was so much fun! Angelina really got into it as well. She was drumming away with chopsticks, while Sofia and I drummed on a diaper carton and a baby wipes box, respectively. It's inspired me to plan a trip to the African Art Museum tomorrow, and Philip is excited about it.
So, Mr. Evil Glen Beck, what is my crazy liberal self grateful for today? (See, you evil wingnuts, we left-of-center people can stick to a schedule and keep our commitments about what we say we're going to write.)
1. Girls' days out. So much fun today with Angelina and Sofia.
2. Air conditioned cars.
3. That I live in a multicultural area, and that nonetheless we still have pretty decent public schools. (Okay, shoot me for being politically incorrect, but I know how these things work.)
4. That Philip has the opportunity to go to such a great program, even if it's only for 2 weeks.
5. My kids.
6. That my parents are so involved in my kids' lives.
7. Free museums.
8. Netflix (what I'm thinking about doing after this, even though I shouldn't).
9. Our new-ish dishwasher.
10. My health.
11 Freedom of religion (Take that, Glen Beck!)
Okay, that's all for now. I'll write more tomorrow, but it may not be as long. This is a great exercise.
I love Unique, because everything is so affordable, and it's like going on a treasure hunt. You may end up with something amazing, like a pair of $200 shoes (score!!!), but then there's a ton of tacky stuff. And of course there are guys hanging around there who could either be the typical undocumented construction worker types or else gang members. The construction workers are the ones looking at cheap jeans and boots, while the gang members have tattooes. Actually, I haven't really seen too many gang member types, but I'm always ready to assume the worst. And the police are there a lot, which makes me think there may be a potential for crime. And then there's a big Korean supermarket nearby, as well as one of those greasy-looking taqueria trucks that I haven't gotten up the courage to try yet. And on federal holidays everything is 50 percent off, which makes the whole place a zoo. It's a lot of fun, and I think Sofia has already absorbed the spirit of thrift store shopping.
Afterwards, we had a cheap-ish lunch at Duncan Donuts, where Sofia and Angelina danced in their chairs to "Isn't She Lovely," the song that Sofia's dance class performed to at their recital. Then Sofia turned up her nose at the bathroom there, so we went on to my favorite Asian Store, Han An Rheum, or H-Mart for short. H-Mart is in the same type of area, where you really see people from all over the world and you read about shootings in the nearby apartment complex. Okay, maybe not that often, but from time to time. Also, my former daycare provider had her groceries stolen there. At the same time, you see wealthy Asian-looking people pulling up in Mercedes and other expensive cars, because the food is so diverse and fresh. Each time I see things that I never knew existed. Last time I saw a Chinese or Korean-looking man putting some bitter melon in a bag. It was on sale, and he had a t-shirt with a slogan that referred to genetics, so I felt comfortable asking him how he cooked the melon. (I suppose I felt comfortable because it meant he spoke English, was educated, and possibly worked in the same field as my father.) He told me that he basically stir fried it, so I bought some and tried it later that week. It was...bitter. I don't think I'd buy it again, but it's always nice to try new things. Today I saw some dragon fruit, which until now I had only heard of as one ingredient in vitamin water. It looked so crazy...I can't really describe it, but here's a link -- http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://img.alibaba.com/photo/104906322/Vietnam_Dragon_Fruit.jpg&imgrefurl=http://makeupgeek.com/forum/viewtopic.php%3Ff%3D6%26t%3D19952%26p%3D174491&h=302&w=350&sz=53&tbnid=Dj6r19r9CFt2TM:&tbnh=104&tbnw=120&prev=/images%3Fq%3Ddragon%2Bfruit&usg=__0Ft7WVqbMKF9Zi9oDpOaOZPR1Sc=&sa=X&ei=5q9LTIr0JcKC8gbW3bDyCA&ved=0CDQQ9QEwAw. And each time we pass the sugar cane, Sofia makes a reference to our book about the Day of the Dead. The other good thing about the Asian store -- aside from the fresh, cheap produce, meat and fish, and the 80s music soundtrack -- is the fact that they're always giving away free samples. Today we tried bottled green tea, Japanese bean cakes, and mango aloe drink. The latter was a bit odd, but I was compelled to purchase the delicious bean cakes. I love Japanese food, and I should really make the effort to cook it more.
Later today, I had another cultural experience. Philip has been going to a French language and culture camp for the past week. It's at a place I could never afford, but my parents offered to subsidize him because my mom was excited that he was interested in learning French. It's at Sidwell Friends, so I had visions of running into one of the Obamas there (but alas, they're away in Maine). Anyway, it's been a great experience so far, and it pisses me off a bit because why can't they have such a great experience at public school? He's been eating French cheese, drinking Orangina, and building models of Notre Dame. Also, they've been learning about Senegal and Mali. On Friday, they had a Senagalese drummer come in to teach them how to drum. He brought all sorts of drums for the entire class, and they counted in French. Tonight, Philip gave Sofia and me a drumming lesson. It was so much fun! Angelina really got into it as well. She was drumming away with chopsticks, while Sofia and I drummed on a diaper carton and a baby wipes box, respectively. It's inspired me to plan a trip to the African Art Museum tomorrow, and Philip is excited about it.
So, Mr. Evil Glen Beck, what is my crazy liberal self grateful for today? (See, you evil wingnuts, we left-of-center people can stick to a schedule and keep our commitments about what we say we're going to write.)
1. Girls' days out. So much fun today with Angelina and Sofia.
2. Air conditioned cars.
3. That I live in a multicultural area, and that nonetheless we still have pretty decent public schools. (Okay, shoot me for being politically incorrect, but I know how these things work.)
4. That Philip has the opportunity to go to such a great program, even if it's only for 2 weeks.
5. My kids.
6. That my parents are so involved in my kids' lives.
7. Free museums.
8. Netflix (what I'm thinking about doing after this, even though I shouldn't).
9. Our new-ish dishwasher.
10. My health.
11 Freedom of religion (Take that, Glen Beck!)
Okay, that's all for now. I'll write more tomorrow, but it may not be as long. This is a great exercise.
Friday, July 23, 2010
More pessimism about the economy
Check out this link to a story by Matt Miller at the Center for American Progress. Basically, he says that the bursting of the housing bubble and the near-crash of the economy was like a heart attack, and our responses like TARP and the stimulus were like emergency medicine. The longer-term, more ingrained problem of the U.S.'s decline in terms of innovation and production -- and the resulting hits to the U.S. middle class -- are more like a cancer that demands a radical response. Basically, he calls for "creat(ing) capital-intensive jobs that have labor productivity levels consistent with advanced country incomes," and making sure Americans have the skills to perform these jobs. I'm not quite sure what the first one means, except it sounds like it takes into account the need for jobs to actually pay a living wage. Miller notes that we're doing "dismally" on these important tasks, because political leaders simply won't face up to them. See the article here:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/07/21/AR2010072103052.html
Also, on the topic of educating Americans to have the necessary skills, see this article about how the U.S.'s worldwide ranking of the number of 25- to 34-year olds with college degrees has fallen from first to twelfth. The article also says that the problem begins long before college. I'm sure the cost of post-secondary education has something to do with it as well. And our friendly neighbor Canada is number one! Read it here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/23/education/23college.html?hpw
So...we have a lot of work to do, but we seem to lack the political climate for getting much done. I take that back, because Obama has actually gotten an amazing amount done given the political climate. But there's so much animosity and contention. I guess we need to keep on moving forward, regardless.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/07/21/AR2010072103052.html
Also, on the topic of educating Americans to have the necessary skills, see this article about how the U.S.'s worldwide ranking of the number of 25- to 34-year olds with college degrees has fallen from first to twelfth. The article also says that the problem begins long before college. I'm sure the cost of post-secondary education has something to do with it as well. And our friendly neighbor Canada is number one! Read it here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/23/education/23college.html?hpw
So...we have a lot of work to do, but we seem to lack the political climate for getting much done. I take that back, because Obama has actually gotten an amazing amount done given the political climate. But there's so much animosity and contention. I guess we need to keep on moving forward, regardless.
Long time no see
It's been ages and ages since I've written. I shouldn't even be writing now, because I have SO much work to do. But here I am.
Strangely enough, I've been following the blogs of two women who had difficult pregnancies. One of them (http://cak-micropreemie.blogspot.com), whose daughter was born at 24 weeks gestation back in May, is still waiting to take her daughter home from the NICU. The other one (http://bhcalaway.blogspot.com) gave birth in June at around 26 weeks gestation, I think, but sadly her son died after only an hour. The first woman is in Pennsylvania, and the second is in Idaho. It's amazing how you can be touched by the stories of people you've never met. And I think it's amazing that the second woman is still blogging and sharing her thoughts with interested readers after going through such a terrible tragedy. One interesting thing about her, in my point of view, is that she is a religious Mormon and probably pretty right of center (although I'm not sure what left, right, and center mean anymore). There's a lot on her blog about her faith in God and her religion, and you can see her drawing upon it to help her through this extremely difficult time. So, for someone like me, who was raised by atheists, it's a fascinating look into what almost seems like another culture.
I'm not sure why I've been so drawn to these blogs. Maybe I'm missing the baby days, or maybe something inside me really wants another baby (but that's not going to happen, so don't worry...). But in any case, it has kind of given me a feeling of connection to touch base with these women. Maybe it's a general human connection, maybe it's a mother thing, or maybe it's just that their stories are so compelling. I don't know. But I keep reading.
So, Hilary, the Idaho woman just noted in her blog that she was watching Glen Beck (Argh!!! Make anti-vampire sign!!! Bleah!!!), and he challenged viewers to fill themselves with "faith, hope, and charity" for the next 40 days. Why 40 days? I don't know. Something to do with Noah? (I've always hated that story...such a testament to Old Testament cruelty.) 40 days seem to be significant in many cultures. Maybe he can't count any higher than that? Who knows... In any case, I'm going to take the Evil Mr. Beck up on his challenge and try to do this for the next 40 days. Each day in this blog, I'll write down something I'm grateful for. And I'll try to be a nicer person too, and not jump to negative conclusions about people, including myself. (Sarcastic inner voice: Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts!)
So, for today, here is what I am grateful for:
--My kids
--The trees and nature
--Hilary Clinton (Sorry, Hilary from Idaho, your name got me thinking about how lucky we are to have such a strong, hard working woman as a high-level public servant.)
--Barack Obama (It would have been great to have Hilary as President, but I chose to vote for Obama for many reasons. See earlier postings.)
--The fact that I have a job and can afford (barely) to provide my kids with a good education.
Speaking of jobs, I'd better get back to it. I have to say that my listing of Hilary and Obama feels kind of yucky. I mean, who am I to be listing the top politicians in our country...no politician can really be noble, right? On the other hand, maybe I should be grateful that I still have the naivete and enthusiasm to feel this way about our current leaders (and also grateful for the fact that we don't have to be calling someone Madame Vice President right now, God forbid).
Okay, enough chattering. Time to get back to the grind. I'll do my best to post each day. Hope it won't be too boring!
Eve
Strangely enough, I've been following the blogs of two women who had difficult pregnancies. One of them (http://cak-micropreemie.blogspot.com), whose daughter was born at 24 weeks gestation back in May, is still waiting to take her daughter home from the NICU. The other one (http://bhcalaway.blogspot.com) gave birth in June at around 26 weeks gestation, I think, but sadly her son died after only an hour. The first woman is in Pennsylvania, and the second is in Idaho. It's amazing how you can be touched by the stories of people you've never met. And I think it's amazing that the second woman is still blogging and sharing her thoughts with interested readers after going through such a terrible tragedy. One interesting thing about her, in my point of view, is that she is a religious Mormon and probably pretty right of center (although I'm not sure what left, right, and center mean anymore). There's a lot on her blog about her faith in God and her religion, and you can see her drawing upon it to help her through this extremely difficult time. So, for someone like me, who was raised by atheists, it's a fascinating look into what almost seems like another culture.
I'm not sure why I've been so drawn to these blogs. Maybe I'm missing the baby days, or maybe something inside me really wants another baby (but that's not going to happen, so don't worry...). But in any case, it has kind of given me a feeling of connection to touch base with these women. Maybe it's a general human connection, maybe it's a mother thing, or maybe it's just that their stories are so compelling. I don't know. But I keep reading.
So, Hilary, the Idaho woman just noted in her blog that she was watching Glen Beck (Argh!!! Make anti-vampire sign!!! Bleah!!!), and he challenged viewers to fill themselves with "faith, hope, and charity" for the next 40 days. Why 40 days? I don't know. Something to do with Noah? (I've always hated that story...such a testament to Old Testament cruelty.) 40 days seem to be significant in many cultures. Maybe he can't count any higher than that? Who knows... In any case, I'm going to take the Evil Mr. Beck up on his challenge and try to do this for the next 40 days. Each day in this blog, I'll write down something I'm grateful for. And I'll try to be a nicer person too, and not jump to negative conclusions about people, including myself. (Sarcastic inner voice: Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts!)
So, for today, here is what I am grateful for:
--My kids
--The trees and nature
--Hilary Clinton (Sorry, Hilary from Idaho, your name got me thinking about how lucky we are to have such a strong, hard working woman as a high-level public servant.)
--Barack Obama (It would have been great to have Hilary as President, but I chose to vote for Obama for many reasons. See earlier postings.)
--The fact that I have a job and can afford (barely) to provide my kids with a good education.
Speaking of jobs, I'd better get back to it. I have to say that my listing of Hilary and Obama feels kind of yucky. I mean, who am I to be listing the top politicians in our country...no politician can really be noble, right? On the other hand, maybe I should be grateful that I still have the naivete and enthusiasm to feel this way about our current leaders (and also grateful for the fact that we don't have to be calling someone Madame Vice President right now, God forbid).
Okay, enough chattering. Time to get back to the grind. I'll do my best to post each day. Hope it won't be too boring!
Eve
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Pissed off stream of consciousness from a lucky plucky gal
I had some insight today into why I’m feeling pissed off.
(And by the way, sorry I haven’t written in months. My friend Etana has been bugging me to write, and she signed her e-mail “creatively yours,” so that sort of motivated me. And then Roger and Suzanne gently urged me on as well.)
But what’s also motivating me is my feeling of frustration. No, it’s more than that. It’s the Sisyphus thing, like I’m pushing a rock up a hill and wake up the next morning to find that it’s at the bottom again. Or maybe it’s the hamster wheel thing…around and around and around I go, but where does it get me? Of course, bottom line is that I’m putting the best part of my energy into raising strong, healthy, kind, happy kids, and I’m very blessed. Yes, that’s true. I’m blessed, thank God or Whoever. I have to say that. But, that said, I can still take some time and a minor bit of energy to think about why I’m feeling pissed off.
What am I pissed off at? Let’s start with who (or whom?). First, my parents’ generation, who are generally enjoying a happy, healthy, well-traveled, and secure retirement. They don’t just have rights, they have entitlements. They feel entitled to take time for themselves, to relax. Or maybe I can paraphrase this attitude as, “It doesn’t take a village, and I’m living in a luxury retirement condo anyway.” They’ve done their work. Now we need to do ours. (I’m inaccurately quoting the mother of a friend here, but that’s the general feeling.) But, darn it all, we are working. I feel like Henry the effing Workhorse in Animal Farm. “I will work harder…I will work harder…” and eventually he ended up as dog food. Yes, I’m being somewhat over the top, yes I did choose to have 3 kids in a declining economy and country, but I can still be annoyed, okay? (And I’m not specifically blaming my parents, because they are pretty helpful, within their own self-imposed limits. It’s more like some twisted version of Schadenfreude that’s actually jealousy about the fortune of others.)
Anyway, here’s why I’m really pissed off. I realized this morning -- as I was sprinting to the Metro after waking at 5 am and getting 3 kids out the door at 7:45 innumerable juggles and negotiations later – that I’m not living the way I was raised. When I was growing up, in the Free to Be You and Me 1970s, the argument went as follows: Girls can be anything boys can be. A woman has a right to work. Why should a woman have to stay home and take care of the kids? She shouldn’t be consigned to a mere joblet. And so forth. The goal was Working Girl does Wall Street. Does anyone remember this commercial –– “I can bring home bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man. ‘Cause I’m a woman....Enjolie.” My mom was outraged that this was what “the feminists” wanted women to become, and she cut out the ad and taped it to our 1970s tan refrigerator. But she was caught up in the throes of an argument that doesn’t make sense anymore. I say, f—k the “choice” of being the Enjolie woman. I have never had a choice but to work.
And I was raised middle or upper middle class. I’m not from a working class background. I expected to work, but I also expected my husband to support me financially. I expected us not to need my income. The point I want to make now is about the times, which have a-changed. Nobody chooses to be the Enjolie woman anymore. Most of us are her by default. (Except forget the never never let you forget you’re a man part, because I don’t have the time, energy, or inclination for that kind of subterfuge.) And, hey, what about Ms. Enjolie’s kids? Were they glued to the boob tube watching the Brady Bunch or Family Affair? Did their mom put them to bed at 7:30 pm after a supper of Kool-aid and tv dinners? Toggling between the 1970s and now makes me feel a bit like Rip van Winkle. I guess that’s what happens once you hit 40.
I remember when I was in 10th grade, our biology teacher had us write about what we thought we’d be doing when we grew up. I wrote that I would be a psychologist living in LA, married to someone in the Spanish royal family. In my essay, I wrote that one cute American guy had wanted me to marry him, but his dream was to live in Alaska and I knew that that would never work for me. So, there I was, living in LA, being a psychologist, and happily married to my Spaniard. Our biology teacher’s purpose in having us do the exercise was to point out that none of us thought about the reality of having kids in our essays. The essays were actually a starting point for talking about contraception, and looking back, I think it was a great idea.
My point is that none of us in the class thought about the need to struggle for money to maintain a middle class, upwardly mobile lifestyle. Never, never, never. Yes, I should have listened to my grandfather and gone to law school, but I’m sure at the time that we all assumed that if you just did what you loved, enough money would follow. That there would be enough slack for a do-over if you messed up. And that if you didn’t mess up, you didn’t have anything to worry about. I don’t think that’s the case now.
Sooo… I’m pissed off because I was raised to exemplify an argument – “Women have a right to work! Hear me roar!” – but my life now is “Women get weary.” It’s not a failure of feminist ideals, although the American feminists seem to have forgotten about maternity leave. It’s more a failure of capitalism, or maybe it’s capitalism’s success. I don’t have any other “isms” to suggest, since I generally don’t trust them. Somehow I’ve become this slogging hardworking slob who has been given the “freedom” to take on all of the risk that corporations and the government used to take on.
Even those among us who are well off -- (which I don’t think includes me, although of course I’m well off compared to a Sudanese villager and I’m blessed to live in a relatively peaceful land, yadaydayda…) – are facing some hard truths. Let me rephrase that. Even for those of us who aren’t living paycheck to paycheck (not me, unfortunately), trying to give our kids the same semblance of middle class security and education that we had growing up is a huge stretch. My grandparents managed to put away enough money to put most of their grandchildren through college. I’m putting $120 a month into a limp and sickly 529 plan for my kids. Will that be enough for college any one of them? No way, Jose. Sure, there are ways to get around it, but it won’t pay for Harvard or even the University of Maryland.
And I heard on NPR last night that all 3 legs of the American retirement system may be crumbling. Pensions are becoming non-existent or unpayable, Social Security and Medicare may not be around once they’re drained by those damn babyboomers, and 401-Ks aren’t the magic bullet they were made out to be. So, what’s a gutsy gal to do in her old age? Become a plucky little old lady who builds her own trusty wooden stool and sells pies, like in Mother Goose? I wouldn’t want to do that even if I got to live in jolly olde England and use their National Health System. I need to think of some kind of business to run in my older years, but it’s hard enough to find time for everything I need to do now.
So…whine whine whine….As I say to my kids, “What kind of voice are you using?” Definitely a whiny voice. I’m not even saying please. Please, please, powers that be, can I please have income security in my old age and a decently priced college education for my kids without having to indenture them to the military (God forbid)? Please? And the answer comes down in a deep voice from on high: “Sorry, life isn’t fair. You get what you get and you don’t get upset.”
Oh well, I guess it’s time to ignore it all. No wonder musicals were popular during the Depression. Even if I want to face reality (and since it’s impossible to escape it, I might as well), I still need a little picker-upper for my spirits. We all do. I think the way forward is to think outside of the box somehow. I need inspiration for that, and I need people to brainstorm with. I guess the irritation and resentment I’m feeling can be a motivator. It can provide the kinetic energy to get me out of my head and actually moving forward on something and leave outdated ideas behind. We’ll see. Stay posted. Same bat time, same bat channel.
(And by the way, sorry I haven’t written in months. My friend Etana has been bugging me to write, and she signed her e-mail “creatively yours,” so that sort of motivated me. And then Roger and Suzanne gently urged me on as well.)
But what’s also motivating me is my feeling of frustration. No, it’s more than that. It’s the Sisyphus thing, like I’m pushing a rock up a hill and wake up the next morning to find that it’s at the bottom again. Or maybe it’s the hamster wheel thing…around and around and around I go, but where does it get me? Of course, bottom line is that I’m putting the best part of my energy into raising strong, healthy, kind, happy kids, and I’m very blessed. Yes, that’s true. I’m blessed, thank God or Whoever. I have to say that. But, that said, I can still take some time and a minor bit of energy to think about why I’m feeling pissed off.
What am I pissed off at? Let’s start with who (or whom?). First, my parents’ generation, who are generally enjoying a happy, healthy, well-traveled, and secure retirement. They don’t just have rights, they have entitlements. They feel entitled to take time for themselves, to relax. Or maybe I can paraphrase this attitude as, “It doesn’t take a village, and I’m living in a luxury retirement condo anyway.” They’ve done their work. Now we need to do ours. (I’m inaccurately quoting the mother of a friend here, but that’s the general feeling.) But, darn it all, we are working. I feel like Henry the effing Workhorse in Animal Farm. “I will work harder…I will work harder…” and eventually he ended up as dog food. Yes, I’m being somewhat over the top, yes I did choose to have 3 kids in a declining economy and country, but I can still be annoyed, okay? (And I’m not specifically blaming my parents, because they are pretty helpful, within their own self-imposed limits. It’s more like some twisted version of Schadenfreude that’s actually jealousy about the fortune of others.)
Anyway, here’s why I’m really pissed off. I realized this morning -- as I was sprinting to the Metro after waking at 5 am and getting 3 kids out the door at 7:45 innumerable juggles and negotiations later – that I’m not living the way I was raised. When I was growing up, in the Free to Be You and Me 1970s, the argument went as follows: Girls can be anything boys can be. A woman has a right to work. Why should a woman have to stay home and take care of the kids? She shouldn’t be consigned to a mere joblet. And so forth. The goal was Working Girl does Wall Street. Does anyone remember this commercial –– “I can bring home bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man. ‘Cause I’m a woman....Enjolie.” My mom was outraged that this was what “the feminists” wanted women to become, and she cut out the ad and taped it to our 1970s tan refrigerator. But she was caught up in the throes of an argument that doesn’t make sense anymore. I say, f—k the “choice” of being the Enjolie woman. I have never had a choice but to work.
And I was raised middle or upper middle class. I’m not from a working class background. I expected to work, but I also expected my husband to support me financially. I expected us not to need my income. The point I want to make now is about the times, which have a-changed. Nobody chooses to be the Enjolie woman anymore. Most of us are her by default. (Except forget the never never let you forget you’re a man part, because I don’t have the time, energy, or inclination for that kind of subterfuge.) And, hey, what about Ms. Enjolie’s kids? Were they glued to the boob tube watching the Brady Bunch or Family Affair? Did their mom put them to bed at 7:30 pm after a supper of Kool-aid and tv dinners? Toggling between the 1970s and now makes me feel a bit like Rip van Winkle. I guess that’s what happens once you hit 40.
I remember when I was in 10th grade, our biology teacher had us write about what we thought we’d be doing when we grew up. I wrote that I would be a psychologist living in LA, married to someone in the Spanish royal family. In my essay, I wrote that one cute American guy had wanted me to marry him, but his dream was to live in Alaska and I knew that that would never work for me. So, there I was, living in LA, being a psychologist, and happily married to my Spaniard. Our biology teacher’s purpose in having us do the exercise was to point out that none of us thought about the reality of having kids in our essays. The essays were actually a starting point for talking about contraception, and looking back, I think it was a great idea.
My point is that none of us in the class thought about the need to struggle for money to maintain a middle class, upwardly mobile lifestyle. Never, never, never. Yes, I should have listened to my grandfather and gone to law school, but I’m sure at the time that we all assumed that if you just did what you loved, enough money would follow. That there would be enough slack for a do-over if you messed up. And that if you didn’t mess up, you didn’t have anything to worry about. I don’t think that’s the case now.
Sooo… I’m pissed off because I was raised to exemplify an argument – “Women have a right to work! Hear me roar!” – but my life now is “Women get weary.” It’s not a failure of feminist ideals, although the American feminists seem to have forgotten about maternity leave. It’s more a failure of capitalism, or maybe it’s capitalism’s success. I don’t have any other “isms” to suggest, since I generally don’t trust them. Somehow I’ve become this slogging hardworking slob who has been given the “freedom” to take on all of the risk that corporations and the government used to take on.
Even those among us who are well off -- (which I don’t think includes me, although of course I’m well off compared to a Sudanese villager and I’m blessed to live in a relatively peaceful land, yadaydayda…) – are facing some hard truths. Let me rephrase that. Even for those of us who aren’t living paycheck to paycheck (not me, unfortunately), trying to give our kids the same semblance of middle class security and education that we had growing up is a huge stretch. My grandparents managed to put away enough money to put most of their grandchildren through college. I’m putting $120 a month into a limp and sickly 529 plan for my kids. Will that be enough for college any one of them? No way, Jose. Sure, there are ways to get around it, but it won’t pay for Harvard or even the University of Maryland.
And I heard on NPR last night that all 3 legs of the American retirement system may be crumbling. Pensions are becoming non-existent or unpayable, Social Security and Medicare may not be around once they’re drained by those damn babyboomers, and 401-Ks aren’t the magic bullet they were made out to be. So, what’s a gutsy gal to do in her old age? Become a plucky little old lady who builds her own trusty wooden stool and sells pies, like in Mother Goose? I wouldn’t want to do that even if I got to live in jolly olde England and use their National Health System. I need to think of some kind of business to run in my older years, but it’s hard enough to find time for everything I need to do now.
So…whine whine whine….As I say to my kids, “What kind of voice are you using?” Definitely a whiny voice. I’m not even saying please. Please, please, powers that be, can I please have income security in my old age and a decently priced college education for my kids without having to indenture them to the military (God forbid)? Please? And the answer comes down in a deep voice from on high: “Sorry, life isn’t fair. You get what you get and you don’t get upset.”
Oh well, I guess it’s time to ignore it all. No wonder musicals were popular during the Depression. Even if I want to face reality (and since it’s impossible to escape it, I might as well), I still need a little picker-upper for my spirits. We all do. I think the way forward is to think outside of the box somehow. I need inspiration for that, and I need people to brainstorm with. I guess the irritation and resentment I’m feeling can be a motivator. It can provide the kinetic energy to get me out of my head and actually moving forward on something and leave outdated ideas behind. We’ll see. Stay posted. Same bat time, same bat channel.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Waiting to Exhale
I was driving along the other morning when I heard something on NPR about possible offshore drilling in Virginia. My first reaction was, oh no, not so close to home! I pictured wheezing, oil-coated ducks struggling to make it to shore in Assateague. Then the announcer said that President-Elect Obama was not necessarily against offshore drilling, as long as the drilling met certain conditions. And strangely enough, I felt a sense of relief.
I've been feeling that a lot lately. It feels like, thank God, I can finally relax now. The people coming into power will be pragmatic, nonideological, and like-minded. I can stop worrying for a bit because I know that there will be people leading our government who will make decisions for the right reasons. I won't have to argue with others, or with myself, because the gist of the market-driven, libertarian, corporate-first world view that characterized the current administration has been proven wrong. Or so I tell myself. It's nice to be wearing rose-colored glasses for a while. I know things are incredibly difficult and we face huge, huge challenges as a country. But I'm still feeling hopeful and relieved right now.
I call this feeling Waiting to Exhale, after a crossover chicklit book that Terry McMillan wrote in the 1990s. It's pretty good, if you like that sort of thing. It's about 4 young-ish African American women who are all looking for Mr. Right. Once they find him, they can finally exhale, release their stomach muscles, and relax. At the end of the book, some of them have met this goal and some of them haven't. For me, the point is being able to relax and feel okay where you are. And I'm feeling some measure of relief right now with regard to our political situation. Oh, I know I'll probably be disatisfied and worried at some point soon in the future. But, for now, please let me enjoy my honeymoon bliss.
So, why am I exhaling so gratefully rigbt now? There are several reasons:
The Black Thing:
I'm still amazed by the fact that we're going to have an African American president. Wow... It's been such a long time coming. The day after the election, I felt a probably misplaced sense of solidarity with every black person that I saw. That morning, the black woman who distributes the Post digest every day at the Metro station was singing and laughing out loud. Really. When I got to work I saw an African American director down the hall from me, and I grinned broadly at him before I remembered that we're all supposed to be non-partisan at the agency I work for. It was so emotional. Every time my mother called me for the couple of days after the election, she ended up crying. For me, the whole thing is summarized by a photo that Judith Warner blogged about recently. It's like, wow, we Americans have actually done something historically significant in the course of casting our votes. It's positive and it's important. We've moved forward and we're not going back.
I find myself noticing little things, like the use of Tiger Woods or Magic Johnson in ads for charities, or a particular ad on the back cover of the New Yorker that has a young white man and a fashionable young black woman obviously out on a date. I'm not sure what the ad was for, but it doesn't really matter. Either color isn't the main point, or else it's a positive background element. In any case, it's certainly not controversial. Wow. I think that's a small measure of progress.
The Face of America's Future
But the thing is, Obama isn't just black, to me he's really the face of America. He's black, he's white, he's an immigrant, he's mixed. He's lived in the east, in the west, in the middle. He's one of us and all of us.
Richard Rodriguez writes about the concept of "brown" as a metaphor for in-between states of being, and he argues that this is the future of America. He calls it "the color of our American identity." To me, this is a good thing. Immigrantion, mixing, the so-called melting pot -- these are what make American strong, vibrant, and interesting. It's not just about race, but religion and culture as well. Obama is brown in this sense of melding, mixing, energy, movement, creativity, youth, future.
The reason I didn't vote for Hillary, although I like a lot of things about her (including the pronoun "her), is that to me she symbolized the past, and Obama represented the future. And between John "the Google" McCain and Barack Obama, there was certainly no contest, in my view, in terms of who really stood for America and America's future. I feel like now we're on the right track, and there's all this positive energy for us to draw upon.
Revenge of the Nerds
I'm glad in a kind of ha-ha-gotcha kind of way that a bunch of brainy people will be in power in the U.S. This country is so anti-intellectual, and now we have a president who used to write poetry! Wow...so European...almost like Vaclav Havel. We'll now have a president who reads the newspapers and thinks things over. He uses big words with no shame and can even say "nuclear" correctly. Whew...my blood pressure just dropped by 10 points. Thank God...
Also, there's the greasy grind aspect. For much of my childhood, I was ridiculed for being a "brain". I felt so much pressure to play down my good grades and the fact that I could answer most of the questions that the teacher asked. I felt unattractive because of my so-called intelligence, and as a result I struggled to look just the right way and say just the right thing to prove that I wasn't "too smart." And now all of these brainy Ivy League grads are being appointed to high-up positions. And they're not the types to have gotten gentleman's Cs either. Mothers all over America are exhorting their kids to study hard like Barack Obama did, and kids are listening. Wow...you mean it's okay to be smart? You mean I can be a real American and still like to read a lot? So cool...
Public Image
It's pretty obvious that our image around the world has been in the toilet for the past 8 years. Study after study shows that even people from so-called friendly nations like the UK had an incredibly low opinion of the U.S. I know Americans who lied when they traveled abroad and said they were Australian or Canadian. I would never do that, but I understand the urge to do it. Who wouldn't cringe when faced with things like Guantanamo in the papers, day after day? I can't explain why so many people voted for Bush in 2004, other than to say that either they really agreed with his policies or they just didn't care to think about things too much. Neither of those two choices is very flattering to us as a country.
But now...but now...they like us, they really like us! We've made a good and even an admirable decision by electing Obama, and now things are on the upswing. I'm not sure what the polls say yet, but at least we can hold our heads up and feel like maybe we can lead again. And that doesn't mean leading by acting unilaterally, no siree.
I'm Right, I'm Right, I Know I'm Right
This is kind of obnoxious, I know, but I voted for Gore and I voted for Kerry (the lesser of two evils), and of course I voted for Obama. There was one teeny tiny moment during the Bush years, just after 9/11, when I thought that he seemed positively presidential. That was probably before his "with us or against us" remark. Other than that, he's been a grating presence to me for 8 long years. It was clear to me that his presidency was a snowballing disaster. So, it came as such a relief when it seemed that a whole lot of Americans felt the same way. Wow... See, I was right all along. And to actually hear a president talking about things like the hurting middle class and the need for workers to have realistic salaries...my blood pressure is going down again. Of course it could all be talk, but it's the right kind of talk.
So...I'm taking deep, relaxing breaths, for the moment at least. Sarah Palin may still be lurking in the wings, but let's hope she somehow gets discredited or her supporters wise up over the next few years. In the meantime, I think we're in the best place we can be, given how bad the economic news is. I'm generally not an optimist, so this feeling of satisfaction is even more meaningful to me. Let's hope this honeymoon feeling continues, even after we hit reality. Hopefully even remembering this honeymoon -- looking at the snapshots -- will help us to breathe deeply when things do get challenging in the future.
I've been feeling that a lot lately. It feels like, thank God, I can finally relax now. The people coming into power will be pragmatic, nonideological, and like-minded. I can stop worrying for a bit because I know that there will be people leading our government who will make decisions for the right reasons. I won't have to argue with others, or with myself, because the gist of the market-driven, libertarian, corporate-first world view that characterized the current administration has been proven wrong. Or so I tell myself. It's nice to be wearing rose-colored glasses for a while. I know things are incredibly difficult and we face huge, huge challenges as a country. But I'm still feeling hopeful and relieved right now.
I call this feeling Waiting to Exhale, after a crossover chicklit book that Terry McMillan wrote in the 1990s. It's pretty good, if you like that sort of thing. It's about 4 young-ish African American women who are all looking for Mr. Right. Once they find him, they can finally exhale, release their stomach muscles, and relax. At the end of the book, some of them have met this goal and some of them haven't. For me, the point is being able to relax and feel okay where you are. And I'm feeling some measure of relief right now with regard to our political situation. Oh, I know I'll probably be disatisfied and worried at some point soon in the future. But, for now, please let me enjoy my honeymoon bliss.
So, why am I exhaling so gratefully rigbt now? There are several reasons:
The Black Thing:
I'm still amazed by the fact that we're going to have an African American president. Wow... It's been such a long time coming. The day after the election, I felt a probably misplaced sense of solidarity with every black person that I saw. That morning, the black woman who distributes the Post digest every day at the Metro station was singing and laughing out loud. Really. When I got to work I saw an African American director down the hall from me, and I grinned broadly at him before I remembered that we're all supposed to be non-partisan at the agency I work for. It was so emotional. Every time my mother called me for the couple of days after the election, she ended up crying. For me, the whole thing is summarized by a photo that Judith Warner blogged about recently. It's like, wow, we Americans have actually done something historically significant in the course of casting our votes. It's positive and it's important. We've moved forward and we're not going back.
I find myself noticing little things, like the use of Tiger Woods or Magic Johnson in ads for charities, or a particular ad on the back cover of the New Yorker that has a young white man and a fashionable young black woman obviously out on a date. I'm not sure what the ad was for, but it doesn't really matter. Either color isn't the main point, or else it's a positive background element. In any case, it's certainly not controversial. Wow. I think that's a small measure of progress.
The Face of America's Future
But the thing is, Obama isn't just black, to me he's really the face of America. He's black, he's white, he's an immigrant, he's mixed. He's lived in the east, in the west, in the middle. He's one of us and all of us.
Richard Rodriguez writes about the concept of "brown" as a metaphor for in-between states of being, and he argues that this is the future of America. He calls it "the color of our American identity." To me, this is a good thing. Immigrantion, mixing, the so-called melting pot -- these are what make American strong, vibrant, and interesting. It's not just about race, but religion and culture as well. Obama is brown in this sense of melding, mixing, energy, movement, creativity, youth, future.
The reason I didn't vote for Hillary, although I like a lot of things about her (including the pronoun "her), is that to me she symbolized the past, and Obama represented the future. And between John "the Google" McCain and Barack Obama, there was certainly no contest, in my view, in terms of who really stood for America and America's future. I feel like now we're on the right track, and there's all this positive energy for us to draw upon.
Revenge of the Nerds
I'm glad in a kind of ha-ha-gotcha kind of way that a bunch of brainy people will be in power in the U.S. This country is so anti-intellectual, and now we have a president who used to write poetry! Wow...so European...almost like Vaclav Havel. We'll now have a president who reads the newspapers and thinks things over. He uses big words with no shame and can even say "nuclear" correctly. Whew...my blood pressure just dropped by 10 points. Thank God...
Also, there's the greasy grind aspect. For much of my childhood, I was ridiculed for being a "brain". I felt so much pressure to play down my good grades and the fact that I could answer most of the questions that the teacher asked. I felt unattractive because of my so-called intelligence, and as a result I struggled to look just the right way and say just the right thing to prove that I wasn't "too smart." And now all of these brainy Ivy League grads are being appointed to high-up positions. And they're not the types to have gotten gentleman's Cs either. Mothers all over America are exhorting their kids to study hard like Barack Obama did, and kids are listening. Wow...you mean it's okay to be smart? You mean I can be a real American and still like to read a lot? So cool...
Public Image
It's pretty obvious that our image around the world has been in the toilet for the past 8 years. Study after study shows that even people from so-called friendly nations like the UK had an incredibly low opinion of the U.S. I know Americans who lied when they traveled abroad and said they were Australian or Canadian. I would never do that, but I understand the urge to do it. Who wouldn't cringe when faced with things like Guantanamo in the papers, day after day? I can't explain why so many people voted for Bush in 2004, other than to say that either they really agreed with his policies or they just didn't care to think about things too much. Neither of those two choices is very flattering to us as a country.
But now...but now...they like us, they really like us! We've made a good and even an admirable decision by electing Obama, and now things are on the upswing. I'm not sure what the polls say yet, but at least we can hold our heads up and feel like maybe we can lead again. And that doesn't mean leading by acting unilaterally, no siree.
I'm Right, I'm Right, I Know I'm Right
This is kind of obnoxious, I know, but I voted for Gore and I voted for Kerry (the lesser of two evils), and of course I voted for Obama. There was one teeny tiny moment during the Bush years, just after 9/11, when I thought that he seemed positively presidential. That was probably before his "with us or against us" remark. Other than that, he's been a grating presence to me for 8 long years. It was clear to me that his presidency was a snowballing disaster. So, it came as such a relief when it seemed that a whole lot of Americans felt the same way. Wow... See, I was right all along. And to actually hear a president talking about things like the hurting middle class and the need for workers to have realistic salaries...my blood pressure is going down again. Of course it could all be talk, but it's the right kind of talk.
So...I'm taking deep, relaxing breaths, for the moment at least. Sarah Palin may still be lurking in the wings, but let's hope she somehow gets discredited or her supporters wise up over the next few years. In the meantime, I think we're in the best place we can be, given how bad the economic news is. I'm generally not an optimist, so this feeling of satisfaction is even more meaningful to me. Let's hope this honeymoon feeling continues, even after we hit reality. Hopefully even remembering this honeymoon -- looking at the snapshots -- will help us to breathe deeply when things do get challenging in the future.
Friday, November 28, 2008
GirlCrush-o-Rama
When I think about it, I realize that I have a lot of girl crushes. I never thought I was the girl crush type. I've always been blessed with a lot of friends, and I've even had a best friend now and then. But the idea of a girl crush...it was a little too hero worshipy and boarding schoolish, in my view.
Still, I remember my first girl crush. When I was 8 or 9,I was friends with the O'Malleys down the street (not their real name). It's amazing now that I think back on it, but their mother, Carol, was a single mom of 4 kids of various ages. She had moved down from Boston to go to law school. I remember that my dad used to help start her car on snowy mornings. I would run around the neighborhood with her younger daughter, while Carol worked and studied. I don't remember much about the father, except that he had an angry voice and an assumption that all of his kids should accompany him to mass when he came down from Boston.
The one who I had a crush on (on whom I had a crush?) was the older daughter, Ginny. As a teenager, she had her own room in the semi-finished basement. She had long silky brown hair, a variety of hippy embroidered cotton shirts, and a water bed. This was the 70s, after all. She probably wore toe rings too. I was so shy that I could barely speak to her. And of course she barely spoke to me, because I wasn't even on her radar. Once her mom asked me to wake Ginny up, but it was all I could do to call out to her from the doorway then scurry away.
So, my first girl crush was unrequited. But maybe it served the purpose that girl crushes are supposed to serve, which is -- I think -- to provide you with a potential template for living your life. I never had a sister, but I think there's some kind of sisterly thing going on with girl crushes as well. It's someone you feel connected to, someone you could be, someone who paves the way for you and establishes parameters and possibilities. You may never achieve these possibilities, but it's nice to be able to think about them.
When I was a teenager, those possibilities were all about boyfriends. And things didn't change that much over the years either. In junior high, if someone had a boyfriend, you admired her. It gave her status. And you tried to be like her because if you did maybe you could attract boys and gain status too. Yuck, it sounds so insectoid, like queen bees and ant colonies, things like that. But that's clearly how it was, and the most admired girls were the ones who could display themselves like so many showy male birds.
I remember one horrible girl in my junior high whose name was Tracy McDaniel (Yes, that was her real name, but who cares?). She certainly wasn't my girl crush, but she had status because she flirted with all of the right guys. I remember how she told the girls in my far less adventurous group of friends that she was planning on wearing green to the teen club dance because "green makes you horny" (as if she were an M&M). Not only that, she was planning to wear little braids coming out of her head, like horns. Can you believe that? (The last sentence should be read incredulously, with an African American or southern accent for emphasis.) Anyway, that was the sort of vapid thing that was admired when I was a teenager, and I think it affected who I ended up admiring.
The one girl crush I recall in junior high was a small blond girl named Carrie. I think I had a crush on her because 1)she was short, and I felt too tall, 2) she dressed sort of toughly, and I thought that was exciting, and 3) she had the same first name as Carrie Fisher, who played Princess Leia in Star Wars (yes, I was kind of a geek). As with Ginny, I only admired Carrie from afar. She represented something I wasn't -- being tough, hanging out with boys who smoked. It seemed kind of romantic to me. We really only crossed paths in home ec, where my piece de resistance was burning the cheese because I thought it was butter. Aside from that, I probably didn't make much of an impression on her.
In contrast, when I think of my current girl crushes, what stands out is power and achievement, regardless of their connections with men. The other thing that stands out is style. It's as if I've moved on from bodice buster novels, where the romance is the thing (okay, sex, romance, whatever) to women's books that feature some kind of rags to riches story. I'm thinking Judith Michael books or Judith Krantz. There's always romance, but it's not necessarily the point. It's mainly about power and money. For example, there's one book by Judith Michael (who is actually two people -- a husband and wife team) about a poor young woman who ends up owning a pricey hotel chain. And then there's Scruples, where a young, formerly unattractive woman creates a high-end department store. And I cringe to admit it, but I'm also a fan of Jackie Collins' Lucky Santangelo, who becomes a tough lady mobster. You go, girl! It's stuff like that. They all wear great clothes and end up with supportive men, but the main story is their achievements and business acumen.
So...with that context in mind...here are my girl crushes:
1) My number one girl crush is...Katharine Weymouth, the publisher of the Washington Post. I'm sure Katharine doesn't remember this, but I lived downstairs from her in the Wigglesworth dorm during our freshman year at Harvard. Symbolically, she lived high up on the fourth floor attic, while I lived below her, unnoticed, on the second floor. Katharine looks great, has 3 kids, and is the granddaughter of Katharine Graham. She's also a lawyer, which is something I should have become but didn't. She represents this whole other world -- elite private school, connections with world leaders, high priced law firms. Another great thing about Katharine is that because of her, I'm less than 6 degrees of separation away from the Talking Heads. (Tina Weymouth of the Talking Heads is her aunt.)
So...Wow, here's someone my age who seems so poised and so comfortable with power. Maybe in front of her close friends she's a mess, but to me she seems like the embodiment of cool. I've considered contacting her via Facebook, but once again I'm just too shy. So...she'll just continue to represent the promised land to me, the sort of life that I can dream of but not aspire to. But at least I can learn from her example that it's possible to achieve more than I've done so far.
2) Michelle Rhee, Chancellor of the DC Public Schools. Michelle recently came to speak at the government agency where I work. My first impression of her was...wow. Although it was November, she wore a short skirt and high heels without stockings. She looked great. She seemed so comfortable up on the podium, and also kind of scary. I didn't really agree with her views about firing teachers, but I liked her passion for helping the kids in the DC Public Schools. And I like the fact that she sends her kids to DC Public Schools (although I just googled it and learned that she placed her kids in the best of the best among these schools...oh well.). Like Katharine Weymouth, she demonstrates for me that you don't have to shoot yourself in the foot career-wise just because you're a mother. I'm not sure to what extent she's going to meet her goals, but she's certainly going to give it her all. I like that.
3) Michelle Obama. I love her dresses. And I'm such an imbiber of the Obama kool-aid that I had to put her on this list. She projects this clean-cut but sharp image. She totally rounds out the image of the Obamas as the black Kennedys. And she's so poised. I'm so excited that she and her family are coming to the White House. I'm not that interested in what she'll be doing, because I assume she'll focus on her kids first and foremost (totally understandable). But I am interested in how she'll present herself and what she'll wear. I've never really been into the First Lady, since none of the first ladies during my lifetime have been very appealing to me. So, this will be a first...yay!
4) Samantha from Sex and the City I've always considered myself more of a Carrie (I'm angst-ridden) or a Miranda (I've got a kid...in fact, I've got three of them). But Samantha is so honest and out there being herself. I definitely admire that. She doesn't apologize to anyone, and she's not self-conscious. And like all of the women on the show, she dresses with style. But for me, the most admirable thing about Samantha is a single line she says in the Sex and the City movie. She says it to her gorgeous, much-younger beau Smith, whom she followed to LA and lived with for over 5 years: "I love you, but I love me more."
God, what I would give to be able to say that in my life! It's not something I would ever say to my kids, of course, because (see earlier blog), they're the center of my life and my being. But to be able to have that attitude about other aspects of my life...to be able to love myself and take care of myself without getting entangled in all of that Prince Charming bs....hopefully I can move that direction in my future. And I'm saying this independent of my marriage or anything else. I don't want to have to be mad because nobody is taking care of me in that fadeout, happily ever after kind of way. To do that, I need to be able to reflexively take care of myself, and that's hard for a girl who's been raised to please men and all other people. If I could move from Sally Field ("You like me, you really like me!") to Samantha ("I love you but I love me more"), that would really be something.
5) My beautiful diva-ish daughter Sofia. Sofia is just amazing. Even before she was a year old, she knew what she wanted and what she didn't want. And she doesn't have any trouble expressing herself. Of course she's 3-1/2, so she may become more inhibited in the future. But her self-esteem is great. And she's so stylish. She could wear a pull-up on her head (and she does, sometimes) and still look like she should be walking down a runway. She's the girl who, when she was feeling sick to her stomach, rejected the bowl I gave her to throw up in because "Blue isn't my color, Mommy". Anyway, I love her and I think she's great. I learn things from her every day.
So...those are my girl crushes of the day. There are plenty of other Women I Admire,whom I would be happy to list:
My former boss Jacquie (high-achieving, great shoes, warm but poised);
My former boss Barbara (supportive friend, knows who she is and what she wants, left an unhappy marriage and found a happy one, adopted 2 kids at age 50 and above, and lives in a world of wealth that I can't even aspire to);
Hillary Clinton (maintained her dignity when her man did her wrong, brilliant mind even if she did disappoint me on Iraq, a committed and hard worker);
My Aunt Beth (Got her Ph.D. in her 60s, survived various significant health problems with dignity, loves exciting travel).
And there are two more points I want to make.
First, I believe that my daughters, at ages 3-1/2 and 6 months, already have girl crushes. Sofia seems to be obsessed with Disney princesses, while Angelina has her own girl crush...on Sofia. We'll see how that turns out.
Second, when I look back at my first girl crush, I think I was idolizing the wrong O'Mally. Thinking of the mother, Carol, going to law school and raising 4 kids alone...that certainly trumps a hippie teenager with a water bed. But our girl crushes are appropriate for the specific times of our lives, so I shouldn't reject my past crush on Ginny. Carol is now happily remarried and a lawyer, and she still lives in the same town as my parents. I have no idea where Ginny is. I could google her, but that would destroy the romance.
Still, I remember my first girl crush. When I was 8 or 9,I was friends with the O'Malleys down the street (not their real name). It's amazing now that I think back on it, but their mother, Carol, was a single mom of 4 kids of various ages. She had moved down from Boston to go to law school. I remember that my dad used to help start her car on snowy mornings. I would run around the neighborhood with her younger daughter, while Carol worked and studied. I don't remember much about the father, except that he had an angry voice and an assumption that all of his kids should accompany him to mass when he came down from Boston.
The one who I had a crush on (on whom I had a crush?) was the older daughter, Ginny. As a teenager, she had her own room in the semi-finished basement. She had long silky brown hair, a variety of hippy embroidered cotton shirts, and a water bed. This was the 70s, after all. She probably wore toe rings too. I was so shy that I could barely speak to her. And of course she barely spoke to me, because I wasn't even on her radar. Once her mom asked me to wake Ginny up, but it was all I could do to call out to her from the doorway then scurry away.
So, my first girl crush was unrequited. But maybe it served the purpose that girl crushes are supposed to serve, which is -- I think -- to provide you with a potential template for living your life. I never had a sister, but I think there's some kind of sisterly thing going on with girl crushes as well. It's someone you feel connected to, someone you could be, someone who paves the way for you and establishes parameters and possibilities. You may never achieve these possibilities, but it's nice to be able to think about them.
When I was a teenager, those possibilities were all about boyfriends. And things didn't change that much over the years either. In junior high, if someone had a boyfriend, you admired her. It gave her status. And you tried to be like her because if you did maybe you could attract boys and gain status too. Yuck, it sounds so insectoid, like queen bees and ant colonies, things like that. But that's clearly how it was, and the most admired girls were the ones who could display themselves like so many showy male birds.
I remember one horrible girl in my junior high whose name was Tracy McDaniel (Yes, that was her real name, but who cares?). She certainly wasn't my girl crush, but she had status because she flirted with all of the right guys. I remember how she told the girls in my far less adventurous group of friends that she was planning on wearing green to the teen club dance because "green makes you horny" (as if she were an M&M). Not only that, she was planning to wear little braids coming out of her head, like horns. Can you believe that? (The last sentence should be read incredulously, with an African American or southern accent for emphasis.) Anyway, that was the sort of vapid thing that was admired when I was a teenager, and I think it affected who I ended up admiring.
The one girl crush I recall in junior high was a small blond girl named Carrie. I think I had a crush on her because 1)she was short, and I felt too tall, 2) she dressed sort of toughly, and I thought that was exciting, and 3) she had the same first name as Carrie Fisher, who played Princess Leia in Star Wars (yes, I was kind of a geek). As with Ginny, I only admired Carrie from afar. She represented something I wasn't -- being tough, hanging out with boys who smoked. It seemed kind of romantic to me. We really only crossed paths in home ec, where my piece de resistance was burning the cheese because I thought it was butter. Aside from that, I probably didn't make much of an impression on her.
In contrast, when I think of my current girl crushes, what stands out is power and achievement, regardless of their connections with men. The other thing that stands out is style. It's as if I've moved on from bodice buster novels, where the romance is the thing (okay, sex, romance, whatever) to women's books that feature some kind of rags to riches story. I'm thinking Judith Michael books or Judith Krantz. There's always romance, but it's not necessarily the point. It's mainly about power and money. For example, there's one book by Judith Michael (who is actually two people -- a husband and wife team) about a poor young woman who ends up owning a pricey hotel chain. And then there's Scruples, where a young, formerly unattractive woman creates a high-end department store. And I cringe to admit it, but I'm also a fan of Jackie Collins' Lucky Santangelo, who becomes a tough lady mobster. You go, girl! It's stuff like that. They all wear great clothes and end up with supportive men, but the main story is their achievements and business acumen.
So...with that context in mind...here are my girl crushes:
1) My number one girl crush is...Katharine Weymouth, the publisher of the Washington Post. I'm sure Katharine doesn't remember this, but I lived downstairs from her in the Wigglesworth dorm during our freshman year at Harvard. Symbolically, she lived high up on the fourth floor attic, while I lived below her, unnoticed, on the second floor. Katharine looks great, has 3 kids, and is the granddaughter of Katharine Graham. She's also a lawyer, which is something I should have become but didn't. She represents this whole other world -- elite private school, connections with world leaders, high priced law firms. Another great thing about Katharine is that because of her, I'm less than 6 degrees of separation away from the Talking Heads. (Tina Weymouth of the Talking Heads is her aunt.)
So...Wow, here's someone my age who seems so poised and so comfortable with power. Maybe in front of her close friends she's a mess, but to me she seems like the embodiment of cool. I've considered contacting her via Facebook, but once again I'm just too shy. So...she'll just continue to represent the promised land to me, the sort of life that I can dream of but not aspire to. But at least I can learn from her example that it's possible to achieve more than I've done so far.
2) Michelle Rhee, Chancellor of the DC Public Schools. Michelle recently came to speak at the government agency where I work. My first impression of her was...wow. Although it was November, she wore a short skirt and high heels without stockings. She looked great. She seemed so comfortable up on the podium, and also kind of scary. I didn't really agree with her views about firing teachers, but I liked her passion for helping the kids in the DC Public Schools. And I like the fact that she sends her kids to DC Public Schools (although I just googled it and learned that she placed her kids in the best of the best among these schools...oh well.). Like Katharine Weymouth, she demonstrates for me that you don't have to shoot yourself in the foot career-wise just because you're a mother. I'm not sure to what extent she's going to meet her goals, but she's certainly going to give it her all. I like that.
3) Michelle Obama. I love her dresses. And I'm such an imbiber of the Obama kool-aid that I had to put her on this list. She projects this clean-cut but sharp image. She totally rounds out the image of the Obamas as the black Kennedys. And she's so poised. I'm so excited that she and her family are coming to the White House. I'm not that interested in what she'll be doing, because I assume she'll focus on her kids first and foremost (totally understandable). But I am interested in how she'll present herself and what she'll wear. I've never really been into the First Lady, since none of the first ladies during my lifetime have been very appealing to me. So, this will be a first...yay!
4) Samantha from Sex and the City I've always considered myself more of a Carrie (I'm angst-ridden) or a Miranda (I've got a kid...in fact, I've got three of them). But Samantha is so honest and out there being herself. I definitely admire that. She doesn't apologize to anyone, and she's not self-conscious. And like all of the women on the show, she dresses with style. But for me, the most admirable thing about Samantha is a single line she says in the Sex and the City movie. She says it to her gorgeous, much-younger beau Smith, whom she followed to LA and lived with for over 5 years: "I love you, but I love me more."
God, what I would give to be able to say that in my life! It's not something I would ever say to my kids, of course, because (see earlier blog), they're the center of my life and my being. But to be able to have that attitude about other aspects of my life...to be able to love myself and take care of myself without getting entangled in all of that Prince Charming bs....hopefully I can move that direction in my future. And I'm saying this independent of my marriage or anything else. I don't want to have to be mad because nobody is taking care of me in that fadeout, happily ever after kind of way. To do that, I need to be able to reflexively take care of myself, and that's hard for a girl who's been raised to please men and all other people. If I could move from Sally Field ("You like me, you really like me!") to Samantha ("I love you but I love me more"), that would really be something.
5) My beautiful diva-ish daughter Sofia. Sofia is just amazing. Even before she was a year old, she knew what she wanted and what she didn't want. And she doesn't have any trouble expressing herself. Of course she's 3-1/2, so she may become more inhibited in the future. But her self-esteem is great. And she's so stylish. She could wear a pull-up on her head (and she does, sometimes) and still look like she should be walking down a runway. She's the girl who, when she was feeling sick to her stomach, rejected the bowl I gave her to throw up in because "Blue isn't my color, Mommy". Anyway, I love her and I think she's great. I learn things from her every day.
So...those are my girl crushes of the day. There are plenty of other Women I Admire,whom I would be happy to list:
My former boss Jacquie (high-achieving, great shoes, warm but poised);
My former boss Barbara (supportive friend, knows who she is and what she wants, left an unhappy marriage and found a happy one, adopted 2 kids at age 50 and above, and lives in a world of wealth that I can't even aspire to);
Hillary Clinton (maintained her dignity when her man did her wrong, brilliant mind even if she did disappoint me on Iraq, a committed and hard worker);
My Aunt Beth (Got her Ph.D. in her 60s, survived various significant health problems with dignity, loves exciting travel).
And there are two more points I want to make.
First, I believe that my daughters, at ages 3-1/2 and 6 months, already have girl crushes. Sofia seems to be obsessed with Disney princesses, while Angelina has her own girl crush...on Sofia. We'll see how that turns out.
Second, when I look back at my first girl crush, I think I was idolizing the wrong O'Mally. Thinking of the mother, Carol, going to law school and raising 4 kids alone...that certainly trumps a hippie teenager with a water bed. But our girl crushes are appropriate for the specific times of our lives, so I shouldn't reject my past crush on Ginny. Carol is now happily remarried and a lawyer, and she still lives in the same town as my parents. I have no idea where Ginny is. I could google her, but that would destroy the romance.
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